Pandemonium

Britain's persecution of its Christian minority continues in crowd-pleasing fashion with the Calvary of the New Generation Church in Nottingham, whose pastor has been fined over the still, small voices which emanated from his establishment at such force and volume as to drown out the local traffic and breach the Environmental Protection Act. The local authority tempted the church with advice on reducing the noise levels, but the church held out over four years before being handed over to the secular arm. Any doubt as to the justice of the charges may be dispelled by a glance at the church's website, whose deafening logo appears to have been modelled on a title card from some deservedly forgotten 1970s sci-fi. The church's library, where "quiet reflection" is apparently the thing, offers access to such redemptive tomes as the Woman Thou Art Loosed Bible and The Message, Re-mix Bible (for Teens), as well as theological classics like The Lady, Her Lover, Her Lord and Reposition Yourself and He-Motions: a Deep Look at The Heart of a Man, all by the redoubtable exegete of the Woman Thou Art Loosed Bible, T D Jakes. The church also boasts an "Ushering Team", who show people to comfortable seats in the spirit of Moses leading the Hebrews out of Egypt, and a Sunday school called Kidz 4 Christ Ministry, which has apparently been named in the same spirit of glorious illiteracy that attributes The Pilgrims (sic) Progress to a relative of the Easter rabbit named Bunnyan.