The Crux

Two of the country's most senior clerics are commemorating Easter in their respective inimitable fashions. The outgoing Archbishop of Canterbury has been wheedling for numbers, apparently in the hope that the Anglican church may even now, despite all his concessions to Mammon and the gay-baiters, preserve some of its hard-earned reputation for cosy lukewarmness. Meanwhile, the noted comedian Cardinal Keith O'Brien is to announce the official adoption of pride as a Christian virtue, and to remind his flock that it is the Roman instrument of torture, and not all that misguided Jewish preaching about giving up earthly wealth, which is central to the faith.