Ursine Bosko-Defecatory Revelation Devastation

A parliamentary committee has just discovered that the Government has an unrealistic view of Britain's role in the world. Daveybloke's new national security adviser (the same who just yesterday had Daveybloke gibbering wildly about the intercontinental ballistic mullahs) has trodden on the committee's toes by forbidding it access to a risk assessment whose secret passages are aflame with scenarios concerning pandemics, accidents, flooding, solar storms and, no doubt, the Government's inevitable incompetence in dealing with any of them. The National Security Council, which includes the heads of the intelligence services, does not mind about the potential collapse of the eurozone, is barely conscious of the possibility of Scottish independence, does not know how far we can rely on our allies in future wog-bombings, and is blithely unaware that American policy is becoming less and less interested in Europe. The idea that anyone, even the Americans, might lump Whitehall in with Europe is almost certainly too outlandish to be contemplated.

The committee's report notes that the Government's national security strategy "simultaneously recognises the rise of new global powers, shifts in the centres of economic activity, and reduced resources in the UK, while at the same time asserting 'no reduction in influence'", much as the Government's national public sector strategy simultaneously cuts everything across the board and predicts no reduction in front-line services. The committee speculates on the possibility that the US may be "moving towards viewing Europe as a producer rather than a consumer of security" which, translated into Standard English, presumably means that the committee is afraid the US may leave us to bomb and torture our own wogs in future.