Dental Extractions

Those noble protectors of our Britishness at the UK Border Agency continue to worry that young people who come from troubled or war-torn environments are deliberately using their undesirable circumstances as an excuse for not having proper birth certificates, school certificates, passports or Boy Scout badges which would prove their juvenile status and enable them to be incarcerated in conditions morally acceptable to Nick Clegg. Accordingly, a trial is to be made to establish whether dental X-rays would be any use at distinguishing the menaces among the boys. The trial experiments will be carried out on volunteers, who naturally will not endanger their claims in any way by refusing to participate; if the experiments show that X-rays can provide a viable excuse for kicking more people out of the country, presumably more assertive consent-gaining techniques will be required.

The idea of using dental X-rays on self-proclaimed juvenile floods was first floated in 2008, and was opposed by the children's commissioners, immigration lawyers and the medical profession; so doubtless the Border Agency is thinking of Twizzler Lansley's anti-NHS bill, which has proved such a roaring success despite being wanted only by the Cabinet, some profiteers and a few spineless time-servers in the Houses of Parliament. Few other coalition success stories have been sufficiently spectacular to encourage the resurrection of an idea so transcendently sane and humane that it was considered unacceptably demented even in the hapless heyday of the Brown government's triangulation towards the BNP.

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Strange Behaviour