Training for the Future

Applications for university places in 2012 have gone down by at least eight per cent, and the vice-chancellor of the University of Worcester predicts that the final figure will be closer to ten per cent. He claims that this will be partly because many teenagers and their families are too stupid to realise that the new tuition fees don't have to be paid up-front. In fact, the fees are paid via student loans, which ensure that students begin their working lives saddled with a debt of up to £9,000, to the immeasurable benefit of their social conscience. It is not known how many students have decided not to apply for fear of more promises by the Liberal Democrats, or in case of that unfortunate educational symptom of the past thirty years, Malignant Spontaneous Goalpost Motion.

There has also been much talk of apprenticeships and learning a trade; which, as one would expect, means that "in the short term, some young people who would have gone to university will end up on benefits" and will doubtless continue to live with their parents and enhance family values; while "in the long term, we will have a workforce that is less skilled", which will help to drive down yet further all those nasty excessive wages. All in all, it looks as if the Government's battle to keep the riff-raff out of university is going rather well.