Argie Bargy

Fears are being revived that an ugly right-wing government faced with popular unrest and an economy going into a tailspin might find it expedient to start a fight over a few sheep. Daveybloke has been huffing and puffing to the faithful about making sure our defences are in order, and has annoyed the Argentine government with the claim that it is behaving in a manner reminiscent of the empire for which Britain should stop apologising. Meanwhile the Minister for Wogs, Frogs and Huns, Willem den Haag, has been trying to induce the Brazilians to intervene on Britain's behalf, with indifferent success. Luckily, Brazil is quite close to Belize, from where den Haag's chum Lord Ashcroft gives the Conservative Party its orders; so the trip is unlikely to be entirely wasted. Nevertheless, the Argentine foreign minister has charged Britain with unprovoked deployment of the Duke of Cambridge and with rewriting history. It is as yet unclear whether Daveybloke's new-found dislike of colonialism will extend to ordering the Americans to give the island of Diego Garcia back to its original inhabitants.