Loyal Opposition

Although Daveybloke has promised a touch of "bulldog spirit" when he toddles off to Brussels to teach the Frog and the Hun a thing or two about running an economy, and although various things starting with bull are certain to manifest themselves, this is clearly not enough for the intellectual giants of his party's Save the Pound, Keep Britain English, Two World Wars and One World Cup gang. The Northern Ireland Secretary, having nothing better to do, has given an interview to the Spectator in which he blathers about new countries appearing from nowhere and the consequent inevitability of a referendum; and the London Haystack, seeing his beloved leader in difficulties, has taken his foot out of his mouth long enough to put in the loyal Bullingdon boot.

It is rather sad, or rather amusing according to one's taste, that Daveybloke cannot command the same loyalty from his own party as he has received from the Liberal Democrats. Daveybloke's cuddly coalition partners have stood steadfastly by while the proles get the full Osborne treatment; they have thrown away millions of votes and hundreds of local councillors; and Nick Clegg recommended Twizzler Lansley's unreformed anti-NHS bill to his party without reservation. Later, in the House of Lords, the Liberal Democrat peer Lady Jolly pointed out that even in its public-relations version the bill "drove a coach and horses through" the coalition agreement, before merrily shrugging it off as a matter of little consequence. Given all this, and making all due allowance for the Conservative Party's intellectual eminence, it is somewhat difficult to gauge how much better the Europhobes think they will do if they achieve their aim and turn Daveybloke from the second Tony Blair into the third John Major. Assuming their dream came true and they deposed him in favour of someone brilliant like Adam Werritty or Nadine Dorries, and assuming several gold-plated coaches with leopard-skin accessories were immediately driven through the Human Rights Act, the Freedom of Information Act and the Islamic Republic of Iran, the Conservative Party would still be stuck in a coalition; and it is quite possible that one or two Liberal Democrats might not be willing to turn their coats on Europe along with everything else.