We're Not Doing This Because We Believe In It, You Know

Daveybloke's regrettable Minister for Work and Pensions Withdrawal, Iain Duncan Smith, has overheard some seditious remarks in the Commons tea rooms and, like the good little swot he is, has gone straight to the Head Boy to tattle. It appears that Daveybloke's plot to reduce the number of parliamentary constituencies, thereby depriving Labour of up to twenty seats and formally euthanising the Liberal Democrats, has caused yet further squeals of discontent from the Conservatives. Although about thirteen Conservative seats are expected to be sacrificed in the Great Daveymander, the Head Boy has given a cast-iron pledge that nobody who matters will lose out, and has broached the idea of kicking upstairs to the House of Donors anyone who cares to be so kicked. Nevertheless, the Commons tea rooms are frothing with disaffection from Conservative MPs who resent the Government throwing them out of their jobs and paying them off with promises, for all the world as if they were actual public servants. Still, at least we now know for certain that, counting his own, there are at least fourteen jobs in the country that Iain Duncan Smith would rather not see lost.