A Carrot for the Proles

Daveybloke, the Cuddly Conservative, has evidently been informed by his handlers that he could do with a bit more of the common touch. Accordingly, he has whipped up the equine zombie that is the Big Society thingy and gone clippety-cloppety-squish to the graveyard to dig for souvenirs of the good old days. And what do you suppose he found there, boys and girls? A rusty old medal, named for a decades-extinct instrument of robbery, murder and mass immiseration - goshetty-poo, what larks! The British Empire Medal was established during the First World War so that the non-ranking cannon fodder could be given a gong without the monarch having to get their hands dirty, and was abolished nearly twenty years ago in unconvincing imitation of a classless society by an unconvincing imitation of a prime minister. Once some of the mould has been scraped off it, the medal will be doled out "in recognition of the dedication and hard work so many people devote to their communities"; presumably to help inspire those who cannot afford a direct contribution to Conservative Party funds but who are nonetheless happy to denounce a benefits fraudster or to help an asylum seeker onto an aeroplane.