Thirty Years' War

The Ascended Incarnation of the Reverend Tony has been touting his major legacy to the world, proclaiming that the crusade which he helped to launch by yapping at George W Bush's heels will take a generation to consummate. His reverence gave us the benefit of his insight into the Islamist mentality: "They believe in what they believe in because they believe their religion compels them to believe in it." Naturally, this is anathema to the Reverend Tony, who believes in what he believes in because he believes that expediency compels him to look as if he believes in it, for the moment at least.

Anyway, it appears that Muslim extremists do not hate us because of anything we have done and that all sensible and moderate Muslims must inevitably recognise that we've been bombing them for their own good: "the way to defeat this ideology ultimately is by a better idea, and we have it, which is a way of life based on openness, democracy, freedom and the rule of law". Indeed, since leaving office the Reverend Tony has tried to introduce comparatively few ID card schemes and has connived only at the breaking of those laws with which the Righteous State considers it reasonable to dispense. His reverence is prepared to lend his moral authority to the bombing of yet more Muslims should the ideological fanatics in Iran decide to emulate those in Westminster by accruing unto themselves an independent nuclear deterrent; however, the strategist who led the forces of Christendom to their ongoing glorious victories in Iraq and Afghanistan does advise against invasion, so evidently the past dreary decade has taught him something after all.

As a gesture of respect to the victims of 9/11, and of the bombings and torture chambers in the Middle East, this is all very touching, no doubt; but it is difficult to resist the feeling that it falls a little short of the necessary. Suicide in a cell at the Hague would be in far better taste, and quieter into the bargain.