Policed By Consent

The Inspectorate of Police for a Contented Constabulary has ruled that tipping a disabled person out of their wheelchair and dragging them across a road constitutes an unnecessary level of force. The IPCC has also criticised the internal investigation which the Metropolitan Firearms and Headbangers' Club carried out after one of its officers was indiscreet enough to get himself filmed in the act of excessive forcefulness, saying that a charge of common assault should have been brought; fortunately for the stability of the country and the morale of hard-working families everywhere, the investigation of the incident has taken so long that the legal deadline for bringing such a charge has now expired. According to the IPCC's statement, the culprit "should be subject to management action", though presumably, since nobody was shot dead, he will not be promoted quite so high as Cressida Dick; the statement suggests "that an apology would be an appropriate way of dealing with this particular part of the incident", given the famously non-feral and non-Facebook nature of the Metropolitan Firearms and Headbangers' Club.