The Penny Drops

After only fifteen months of attacks on the public sector and trusting everything to markets and millionaires, some of the more Tory elements of the Labour party have suddenly discovered that Daveybloke, the Cuddly Conservative, is actually some sort of right-winger. After due analysis, a Tory turncoat named Shaun Woodward has just about perceived that Daveybloke, having attained power, is no longer interested in appearing soft on the NHS and the environment and appears more worried about the possibility of appearing to be a weakling of the Nick Clegg or Gordon Brown variety. Woodward warns, however, of "significant political risks if Labour fails to handle the change with alacrity, strength and sensitivity", or fails to persuade the public that Labour too is sufficiently right-wing to chime with the market-oriented, immigrant-bashing aspirations of the lower classes. According to Woodward's document, "the Conservatives are shifting to a distinctly right-wing strategy, in both their chosen focus on issues and their solutions", quite unlike Tony Blair or Gordon Brown. Furthermore, "Cameron clearly recognises some of the danger he faces in his repositioning. He is still seeking to separate himself out from a toxic Tory brand", quite unlike the Upper (formerly Lower) Miliband, "and has assumed a presidential role and style", quite unlike Tony Blair. As a result, and despite the efforts of Twizzler Lansley, Michael Gove, Eric Pickles, Sayeeda Warsi and News International, "Cameron himself now appears to be a recognisably right-wing prime minister". Well, really, who would have thought it?