I Feel Safer Already

Well, that's a relief, isn't it. There really are some kinds of criminality that even Andy Coulson's ex-employer doesn't care to put up with for too long, and after a mere three days of Bullingdon Club jamboree for the masses Daveybloke, the Cuddly Conservative, has decided that there are limits to what is acceptable even when it's just proles fighting other proles. "You are not only wrecking the lives of others, you are not only wrecking your own communities, you are potentially wrecking your own life, too," lectured the City's little chum, in full-on Head Boy mode.

In order to make some show of actual purpose in being here, Daveybloke has announced the recall of parliament so that Labour and the Conservatives can agree on everything while blaming each other as Nick Clegg agrees with them both. This is certainly constructive. On behalf of the Metropolitan Firearms and Headbangers' Club, Daveybloke promised lots more arrests and "speeded-up" court proceedings; the Government is not as yet proposing emergency legislation, probably because the legacy of legislative hysteria left over from New Labour is more than enough for present purposes. More disturbingly, Daveybloke blathered that the Government "will do everything necessary to restore order to Britain's streets and make them safe for the law-abiding". It is to be hoped that those familiar with the Government's record on sustaining the economic recovery, building the Big Society and refraining from chaotic top-down reorganisation of the NHS do not take Daveybloke too seriously on that point, otherwise we might have civil war by the weekend.