Unprofessional Conduct

Andy Hayman, late of the Metropolitan Firearms and Headbangers' Club, has been complaining of his ill-treatment by the home affairs select committee. Hayman was in charge of the 2006 investigation into phone hacking, which turned up a couple of rotten apples but did nothing to embarrass the News of the World or its owners, News International. Hayman, who by a remarkable coincidence now works for News International, was the subject of much uncharitable mirth when he told the select committee that he allowed News International to take him to dinner during the investigation because a refusal would have looked even more suspicious. Hayman has therefore concluded that the MPs must have been laughing at his accent, particularly as someone called him a "dodgy geezer" instead of utilising the terminology to which he feels himself entitled. "The irony, really, is that they don't like being treated in this way … and yet they're prepared to put us through that," Hayman said, in presumably unconscious paraphrase of the laments of those whom the Metropolitan Firearms and Headbangers' Club has kettled, truncheoned, horse-charged and tipped out of wheelchairs during the last couple of years. "I'm not asking for special treatment, I just ask for a little bit of respect."