If Only it Would Stop Waving its Legs in the Air, We Would Have True Stability

Thanks to various unforeseen influences such as cold in winter, sunshine in spring, the royal wedding, the Japanese tsunami disaster, the previous Labour government and the persecution of News International by the left-wing press, the economy has been flat on its back for nine months; so Daveybloke's Cuddly Conservatives have been rallying around George the Progressively Regressive and his little chopper. "Unlike previous governments, there is one team at the heart of this government," burbled Daveybloke; "that is the chancellor and the prime minister working together." Of course, what with all those entirely appropriate meetings chez Murdoch and his goons, they've had plenty of opportunity for profitable interaction. George the Progressively Regressive himself has been on Radio 4 touting the wonders of stagnation: "without that you have nothing", even before losing your job, benefits, pension and healthcare rights. "At a time of real international instability we are a safe haven in the storm"; well, I suppose a stagnant pond can count as a safe haven, especially if you happen to be pond life.

In fact, there may be some doubt as to whether Daveybloke and his cuddly chums really care all that much about getting the economy working; particularly since any sign of an actual recovery would undermine the main pretext for their scorched-prole campaigns in the health, welfare, education and immigrant motivation industries. Meanwhile, the London Haystack is blathering about tax cuts, and Daveybloke has sent one of his little men to the civil servants' quarters so that deregulation of everything may proceed further and faster, thus ensuring that the present atmosphere of security and sanity is maintained.