The Curmudgeon


Monday, July 25, 2011

Down Among the Little Folk

Not having anything much to do at the moment, Daveybloke the Cuddly Conservative has been guest-editing The Big Issue, a newsletter sold by homeless people. Daveybloke burbled that The Big Issue "is a fantastic example of how we can reduce dependence on state handouts" or, in Standard English, another fantastic excuse for cutting back state benefits. Daveybloke gladhanded some of the staff and asked some vendors about how many copies were required to make ends meet. Told that this depended on whether the seller had shelter or just needed food, Daveybloke doubtless nodded sagely and reminded them that they were all in it together.

After the past couple of weeks, it is perhaps understandable that Daveybloke wasn't in much of a mood for news and scoops and so forth; so he got one of his little men to draft a column about family values instead. Daveybloke does not appear to have waved his dead child around, but he did waggle his dead father a bit in compensation. Daveybloke's father was disabled, which puts an interesting Oedipal spin on Daveybloke's plans to attack the disabled. Daveybloke also has an elder brother, and "like many younger brothers you find yourself always a few steps behind". Daveybloke's brother is now a criminal lawyer, and Daveybloke is a well-known associate of a number of tax-dodgers, liars, snoopers and frauds, so perhaps their careers are not so far apart after all. Daveybloke also reminded his readers that, no matter how homeless or healthless or jobless or pensionless they may be, Communism would have been worse.


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