A Matter of Historical Truth

The sixteenth Daddy Goodspeak has been preaching the wonders of overpopulation and the sanctity of connubial hatred in Croatia. Almost all of the country's population is officially Catholic, but some unfortunate leftover laws from the Communist régime and a few more newfangled ones mean that abortion is still permitted and homosexual couples are not given the Uganda treatment. The sixteenth Daddy Goodspeak has been urging that Europe's Christian blip be publicised "as a matter of historical truth", which appears to have prompted at least one of his henchmen to go off the deep end. Monsignor Valter Zupan, a bishop with special responsibilities for "family issues", bravely asserted that "Children have the right to publicly state that a 'father' and a 'mother' gave them life"; it is not clear who would deny the children this, even among the evil secularists and gay-rights groups. The Monsignor added that the Church had the right to demand the reversal of the abortion law; by which he presumably meant, as the pious often do, that the Church has the right to be obeyed without question. Most learnedly of all, he proclaimed that Europe had been "founded on deeply Christian values about marriage between man and woman"; evidently the Treaties of Rome were more sexually explicit than has generally been realised, unless the Monsignor was referring to the deeply Christian values of the Middle Ages, which also included slavery, misogyny, torture and anti-semitism. Anyway, today these deeply Christian values are being threatened by "different types of living together which don't have any foundation in European culture". It is true that, during Christianity's heyday in Europe, toleration for Jews was among the many grievous faults of the Muslims; but the infidel Press has deplorably failed to quote the Monsignor's clarification of how he imagines the rights of divorce and cohabitation came to infect the continent.