Sunny Outlook on Bank Holiday Weekend

Government interference has not ruined fun, say oil companies

Greenhouse gas emissions have increased by a record amount in the past year, despite the efforts of governments in Greece, Ireland and the United Kingdom to beat their economies into a less anti-social mood.

The rise increases the likelihood of a global temperature rise of more than two degrees Celcius, which is considered "potentially dangerous", though only for those who cannot afford to avoid its effects.

Lord Stern, who reported to the Treasury in 2006 that someone probably ought to do something about it at some point, said that if present trends continue it "would mean around a 50% chance of a rise in global average temperature of more than 4C by 2100."

Fossil fuel corporations welcomed the news. "This means there is around a 50% chance that everything will still be more or less jolly in a hundred years' time," said a spokesbeing for Shell.

"Even if things do get a bit hotter, it will mean new markets in crowd control resources such as Shell employs in the Ivory Coast. There will also be new opportunities in air-filtering and human moisturisation solutions, which will lead to economic growth that will be good for everyone."

Stern agreed, saying that a rise of 4C would flexibilitise the potential of "hundreds of millions of people across the planet", creating a dynamic and competitive labour market.