War Safe, Chancellor Promises

Austerity measures will not impede new crusade

The war on Britain's budget deficit will not be adversely affected by Britain's war on Colonel Gaddafi's war on the Libyan rebels' war on the war on freedom, sources said today.

Although there is no money available for schools, hospitals, libraries, public transport, childcare facilities, post offices or pensions, the Chancellor is believed to have set aside a considerable sum for dropping high explosives onto Arabs.

Speculation has been rife about where the money will come from, with Boris Johnson's staff issuing pre-emptive denials that the London mayor pulled ten million pounds out of Liam Fox's arse during a late-night Bullingdon War and Budget Rah Rah.

"Liam was never a member of the Bullingdon Club," said a spokestwit. "In any case I think it's rather bad taste to compare bombing Libya with destroying a good restaurant."

Until late last night Downing Street truthfulness operatives were briefing that the money had been discovered by accident down the back of Danny Alexander.

However, this story was discounted after journalists discovered that it originated with Nick Clegg.

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