Shock as Throwing Money at Greedy Bastards Fails to Reform Attitude

Somebody ought to do something about it, says Bank of England governor

Notorious left-wing firebrand Mervyn King has told the Daily Torygraph that high street banks are exploiting their customers for short-term gain.

King is due to become responsible for banking regulation and is thought to be delighted at the prospect of carrying the can for the Government's bailout of the sector the next time it crashes the economy.

King mentioned the traditional manufacturing industries and explained why they were purged from the national economy under Margaret Thatcher. "They care deeply about their workforce, about their customers and, above all, are proud of their products," he said.

"We've not yet solved the 'too big to fail' or, as I prefer to call it, the 'too important to fail' problem," King said. "The concept of being too important to fail should have no place in a market economy."

A spokesbeing for the banking industry disagreed with his comments, stating that it would be wrong to blame the whole banking sector for the actions of a few rotten apples.

"Fortunately, the banks do not live in a market economy," the spokesbeing said. "The banks live in a welfare state which is paid for by the market economy to which the non-millionaire population is confined. It is time for banks to draw a line under today's culture of repentance and atonement and get back to being nice."

King's remarks come weeks after the Chancellor signed Project Merlin, under which the Government agreed not to do anything about pay and profits if the banks would agree to go on the way they're going but call it "restraint" rather than "whoopee".