Sorry We Asked

The Minister for the Greenest-Talking Government In History Before the Election has disclaimed any adherence to the principle of collective responsibility by taking the sole blame for asking the public about the Conservatives' attempt to privatise England's forests. Instead of the proposed consultation, an "independent panel" will be set up, which will advise the Government in the autumn that certain public assets are best stolen on the quiet. Campaigners are claiming a victory for direct democracy, although it's just possible that the Conservatives were swayed less by popular anger than by the likes of the Countryside Alliance who did not wish to see their woodlands administered with the sort of efficiency that private enterprise has brought to the railways, the utilities and the NHS. "It is only humiliating if you are afraid to say sorry," the sacrificial cow said in response to a snipe from Gerald Kaufman. "We teach our children to say sorry." Given that the average mental age in the House of Commons is something under five years, and on the Conservative front benches something under eighteen months, this was probably the most pertinent remark to emerge from the entire debate.

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