Tube Strike a Success
Government grateful for "useful snapshot"
The Government has thanked striking Tube workers for providing a "useful snapshot" of the future of public transport under the Chopper Coalition.
London haystack and serial bigot-hirer Boris Johnson said, "Thanks to more than two years of my rule, Londoners are a hardy bunch who certainly know better by now than to expect a cheap or efficient public transport system.
"No doubt people will find other ways of getting around, since there is nothing to prevent their employers docking their pay if they turn up late."
A city which had basked for so long in Transport for London's cheerful contempt would have little difficulty coping with industrial action, the mayor said.
Transport for London, which has managed to provoke strikes by two separate groups of workers over different issues in the same week, pronounced itself "deeply satisfied" with the expendability of its human resources.
"This bestial behaviour has only hardened our resolve," foamed a spokesbeing. "We remain crashingly determined to drag London Underground into the future and leave all outdated concepts such as 'staff' and 'safety' blinking in the dust of our fairly minimally delayed departure."
Transport Secretary Porker Hammond said, "This has been a useful snapshot of the future of public transport.
"The world we are preparing will be good for customers, good for business and good for London. Real people will use limousines or taxis and claim expenses. Little people will get up early, get close to one another in high-density wheel-based communities and take lots of exercise."
The Government has thanked striking Tube workers for providing a "useful snapshot" of the future of public transport under the Chopper Coalition.
London haystack and serial bigot-hirer Boris Johnson said, "Thanks to more than two years of my rule, Londoners are a hardy bunch who certainly know better by now than to expect a cheap or efficient public transport system.
"No doubt people will find other ways of getting around, since there is nothing to prevent their employers docking their pay if they turn up late."
A city which had basked for so long in Transport for London's cheerful contempt would have little difficulty coping with industrial action, the mayor said.
Transport for London, which has managed to provoke strikes by two separate groups of workers over different issues in the same week, pronounced itself "deeply satisfied" with the expendability of its human resources.
"This bestial behaviour has only hardened our resolve," foamed a spokesbeing. "We remain crashingly determined to drag London Underground into the future and leave all outdated concepts such as 'staff' and 'safety' blinking in the dust of our fairly minimally delayed departure."
Transport Secretary Porker Hammond said, "This has been a useful snapshot of the future of public transport.
"The world we are preparing will be good for customers, good for business and good for London. Real people will use limousines or taxis and claim expenses. Little people will get up early, get close to one another in high-density wheel-based communities and take lots of exercise."
2 Comments:
At 6:47 pm ,
Rebecca J Cunningham said...
Boris the haystack, eh? I thought he was emperor. Okay. Here is a man, never far from the political vomitorium, devoid of human kindness, a mere lofty head toss - another orium for that - and a smirk's distance from reality. Yet the sniffer at 250k poultry feed, the incidental mummer on C.O.D. performing, suggests this relentless ego is to be salvaged. Put on a plinth somewhere. Or incorporated, or whatever the word is for chip-speak, into Oyster. Touch him in and touch him out, a wee hologram, slamming that deeply sardonic expression on the egg-yellow oyster reader each time we travel on the tube.
A myriad blessings, my subjects. You have done well.
Now those tube workers, to the lions.
At 1:45 am ,
Bilejones said...
I don' suppose you know what percentage of travel-miles are traveled on the sacred "transit system" rather than roads?
Thought not.
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