A Chance to Serve, That is All We Ask

Of course we all remember that nice Lord Ashcroft, the very special friend of Daveybloke's hapless Minister for Wogs, Frogs and Huns, Willem den Haag, who sold Ashcroft the Conservative Party during the late 1990s. A fervent patriot of Belize and its relaxed tax system, Ashcroft supposedly promised den Haag that he would start paying tax in the UK just as soon as it became convenient for him to do so, but he hasn't got around to it yet. Since he is both a member of the House of Lords and extremely rich, Ashcroft's honour is of course beyond reproach; so we can only suppose that he was distracted with grief over Daveybloke's inability to win the election outright despite Ashcroft's substantial lubrication of the wheels of British democracy. Daveybloke's abrupt metamorphosis, with the Liberal Democrats' help, from moist One Nation Tory to swivel-eyed Thatcherite, seems to have reassured Ashcroft sufficiently for him to give Daveybloke his latest orders directly, rather than conveying them through the aforementioned haplessness. It appears that Lord Ashcroft has now decided that another pledge of his - to resign any direct interest in politics and concentrate on yanking the Conservative party's strings by less overt means - no longer suits his convenience, and that Lord Ashcroft is having a bit of a chat with Daveybloke about how matters might proceed. Doubtless the Liberal Democrats will be thrilled at this latest signal of the new cleanliness in British politics, provided Nick "Who?" Clegg can swallow enough of the ordure to keep it from tainting his breath too much.