The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Regretful Expressions

The Venerable Tony, Ascended Incarnation of the Vicar of Downing Street, chum of the sixteenth Daddy Goodspeak, personal confidant of the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Joshua, Gideon, Jephthah, Ariel Sharon and the Pharisees, and Representative of the Middle East Quartet of (in descending order of importance) the USA, European Union, Russia and the United Nations, has expressed deep regret and shock at the tragic loss of life resulting from Israel's latest vanquishment of an existential threat (which, incidentally, appears also to have been an act of war by a nuclear power against a member of NATO with no suspected weapons of mass destruction). "I express deep regret and shock at the tragic loss of life," expressed the Venerable Tony, whose inner states are evidently too exalted to discuss these days. "There obviously has to be a full investigation into what has happened," said the Venerable Tony, without expressing whether the investigation should be held by Turkey, whose vessels were boarded in international waters, or by Israel, which was, as always, battling an existential threat. The Venerable Tony once again expressed his view that we need a better way of helping the people of Gaza than starving and bombing them, but again showed uncharacteristic reticence in expressing what that way might be. Perhaps, if someone were to throw money at him, the Venerable Tony might be persuaded to open up a little and express a clue or two?

7 Comments:

  • At 7:18 pm , Blogger CalumCarr said...

    Ah, yes! On the button with the Venereal Tone.

    Thanks for a great post.

     
  • At 3:57 am , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Please stop making fun of Tony. Thanks to him, peace was about to break out all over the Middle East and beyond until that nasty flotilla threw a spanner in the works. Now he's got to start from scratch. It's just not fair. We don't deserve someone as selfless and humane as Toady, er Tony. So come on folks. Let's all rally behind our great ex-visionary leader and insist on that Totally Useful and Impartial Investigation into that plainly unequal battle between those hard-core, slingshot bearing, terrorist-loving food and medical supply delivery people and the poor defenceless IDF commandos totally exhausted from beating, torturing and murdering Palestinian men, women and children. God Bless Toady, er Tony!

     
  • At 11:40 am , Blogger michael greenwell said...

    Please continue making fun of Tony. You are very good at it.

     
  • At 11:35 pm , Blogger Daniel Simpson said...

    Hear, hear. I still laugh at this.

    Meanwhile, more regret has been expressed:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/jun/01/adam-boulton-alastair-campbell

    Presumably because mistakes were made.

    Private Eye dug out a quote from Boulton saying what he told Campbell not to say he'd said.

     
  • At 11:36 pm , Blogger Daniel Simpson said...

    Er, by this, I meant this:

    http://ft2020.com/pilgrimage/

     
  • At 1:43 am , Blogger Philip said...

    Thanks, all. Daniel, I thought that edition of the FT had dissolved into the ether; nice to know it's still around. What we need now, of course, is a report on the London Olympics as from the Niger delta...

     
  • At 9:57 pm , OpenID danielsimpson said...

    Someone kindly donated a whole ten pounds, which paid for another two months of hosting! Which is more than can be said for my ungainful unemployment, though my non-novel gonzoisms may yet earn me another few Dreamhost increments. We shall see. In the meantime, Pidgin is talking to Ear.

     

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