The Flexible All-Purpose Do-It-Yourself Labour Leadership Candidacy Kit

Perfectly designed and specially fine-tuned to enhance and engorge your natural aptitude for that big conversation with your party. Copy and paste into an email, or get your speech-writer to do it for you, and then just follow the instructions for a radically new yet respectably traditional bid that will almost certainly gain you the esteem of your colleagues even in the unlikely event of your losing provided instructions are followed as directed!

Dear Colleague

I do hope you are well. If elected as leader of the Labour Party, I, (insert name here, surname last, friendly diminutive first), will

1.
do my best to
strive to
pull out all the stops to
emplace appropriate mechanisms to
(choose one or more)

2.
learn the lessons of the past
secure Britain's present position in world leadership
prepare Britain for the future
do the right thing
(choose one)

and therefore I

3.
intend
plan
will aspire to
will probably get around to
will almost certainly consider moving towards
(choose one)

4.
a radical new policy
a tried and trustworthy policy
(choose one)

of

5.
saving
spending
inclusivity
doing the right thing
(choose one)

where appropriate and

6.
maintaining
restoring
enhancing
ensuring that the public understands more about
doing the right thing about
(choose one)

our

7.
record in the past
plans for the future
war on immigration and other crimes
common Britishness
(choose one)

through the measured and responsible implementation of

8.
more controls over
more choice in
more public control over choice in
more public choice about controls over
(choose one)

9.
jobs.
housing.
schools.
immigrants and other criminals.
Europe.
(choose one)

10.
I will
I will also
(choose one and repeat steps 1 to 9)

or

Thank you very much. Yours most sincerely and with my utmost personal regard,

(insert friendly diminutive)

NB If step 10 is taken it is recommended that different options be chosen the next time around, and that step 10 be taken a maximum of three times, in the interests of audience attention maintenance maximalisation. Results not guaranteed. No money returned.