By Their Fruits

Daveybloke's flagship family policy of petty bribes for married couples to stay together combines several pious traits - sanctimony, stupidity, tokenism - which show that the modern Conservative party, for all the glutinous cuddliness of its present veneer, is still very much the Church of England at prayer. Much as the Anglican civil war has been raging ever so politely between the Gafcon bigots and the Canterbury hypocrites, so the modern Conservative party, trying desperately to hold itself together for one final week before polling day, is divided between compromisers like Chris Graybeing, who believes that homosexuals have certain rights provided the accommodation is roomy enough, and holy rollers like Philippa Stroud, who believes that people of whose habits she disapproves are demonically possessed. Stroud is head of the Centre for Social Justice, the hilariously named Conservative brain drain which was set up by the brilliant Iain Duncan Smith and which has "heavily influenced David Cameron's beliefs", or, in Standard English, David Cameron's pronouncements, "on subjects such as the family". Stroud, who founded a church and hostel in Bedford for the re-education of sinners, "has spoken of how her Christian faith has motivated her to help the poor"; certainly her compassion for others seems to be of the same order as the Saviour's, who shrugged off the idea of helping the needy on the grounds that they were less important than himself and would be around for longer. "One girl lived in the hostel for some time, became a Christian, then choked to death on her own vomit after a drinking bout," Stroud relates in her gospel. "Her life had changed to some extent, but we wondered whether God knew that she hadn't the will to stick with it and was calling her home." Blessed are the backsliders, for they shall be summoned before the Throne on a tide of vomit. Stroud is apparently popular, at least by the standards of present-day right-wing evangelical British politicians, and energetic enough to be credited, if that is the word, with shaping many of Daveybloke's cuddlier social policies. It remains to be seen whether she will turn out to be the guardian angel who drags Daveybloke's inner Dubya blathering through those already gaping cracks in the surface varnish, or just another Ruth Kelly to Daveybloke's just another Tony Blair.