That Debate

MODERATOR (oozing)
And our next spontaneously-generated electoral infotelevisual opportunification stimulus as approved for leader responsivity by all three of the responding leaders and their special advisers is: what is your view on fairness? Prime Minister, since you answered twenty-two per cent of the last question, under the first-past-the-post system you have the right of first response. Your view on fairness, please, and no dissembling if you will.

GLORIOUS SUCCESSOR
Well let me just say this our record on fairness (smiles) is perfectly clear over the past thirteen years Britain has gained fairer (smiles) schools fairer (smiles) hospitals a fairer (smiles) immigration system and a fairer (smiles) deal for hardworking families who play by the rules and stay out of trouble and don't support terrorism and don't frighten policemen and don't spread hatred my personal respect for fairness (smiles) was among the values taught to me by my parents who taught me all the personal values I have personally sought to value in my personal life and policies and fairness (smiles) is certainly one of those values and I certainly value it personally and I think the whole cabinet and party and indeed the country are with us on this.

MODERATOR (oozing)
And now if the Leader of the Opposition would care to impart...

DAVEYBLOKE
Well of course fairness is an indispensable attribute of any civilised society and of course the modern Conservative party believes in fairness but the real question is are we prepared for a change and has our fairness been properly distributed under the present Government and is it the role of the state to ensure fairness in a centralised bureaucratic Stalinist manner or is fairness rather an attribute of normal ordinary human beings like me and the little people and speaking as a bereaved parent with a pregnant wife I believe that the modern Conservative party can be trusted to trust the people of Britain to deliver fairness wherever it is required in a responsible and trustworthy fashion.

MODERATOR (oozing)
And now the other one...

THE OTHER ONE
Well of course I disagree violently with both the previous speakers although fairness has been a central plank of Liberal Democrat policy for -

THE OFF SWITCH
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