Blessed Are Those Who Get Caught, For Repentance Shall Be Theirs Eventually

It appears that the Catholic Church is less averse to scientific method than is generally believed; at least in England and Wales, where centuries of Protestant goodwill have doubtless induced a perspective not readily accessible to the senior executives at Vatican Incorporated. Having witnessed Head Office's attempts to excuse a long and sordid history of institutionally condoned child abuse by pointing the finger at other churches, and then by blaming it all on media gossips, the Jews and homosexuality in turn, the church in England and Wales has applied Occam's razor and discovered that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however inexpedient, must be the right thing to say. Accordingly, the Archbishop of Westminster, whose first reaction to the revelations was to heap praise on the culprits, has issued a spontaneous and unsolicited statement of contrition, a mere matter of months after the ugly truth came out. The statement also said that the church will condescend to work within the law from now on, since the sixteenth Daddy Goodspeak has authorised it to change its ways.