Daveybloke Does Topical

Daveybloke, the Cuddly Conservative, has become the first of Britain's two and a half major political leaders to join the tsunamic blitz of metaphorical vulcanology which has darkened the skies of British journalism since the Iceland eruption.

Daveybloke said that Britain was in desperate need of action to remove the "black cloud" of deficit by pulverising public services and stimulating an Eyjafjallajökull of private investment from the harsh, rocky crater of austerity.

Daveybloke was warning the little people about the need to get things done and proclaiming that the Conservatives are the party to do it.

Daveybloke noted that a hung parliament would mean "a bunch of politicians haggling", as in a democratic society where compromise and coalition are the usual way of doing things, rather than "deciding" and then inflicting their decisions regardless, as is the normal British practice and the Conservative Party's birthright.

Daveybloke said that politicians in a hung parliament would be "fighting for their own interests", an unprecedented and potentially unhealthy development among British politicians.

Many poor and weak countries suffer from coalition governments, and between 1940 and 1945 Britain itself was governed by a coalition which nearly prevented Winston Churchill, the Greatest Ever Number One Greatest Briton Ever, from winning the Second World War.