The Curmudgeon


Tuesday, March 02, 2010

The Marginal Constituency

A Marginal Constituency was lamenting its marginality, when lo! there was a puff of smoke, and a little fat man with a sun-tan appeared, lowered his trousers and began pumping cash for at least part of all he was worth.

"I beg your pardon, sir," said the Marginal Constituency, "but might I inquire as to the reason for these flattering attentions?"

"Most definitely," panted the little man. "I intend to make a Safe Seat of you, as I have bought myself a political party for tax purposes and a certain amount of - ah! - upkeep is required."

At this the Marginal Constituency rejoiced exceedingly, for there were any number of Schools, Hospitals and Libraries within it which required considerable upkeep, particularly as most of them had received no attention since the previous election campaign some two or three economic disasters ago.

However, as soon as the Marginal Constituency mentioned these worthies, and how gladly they would greet an injection of cash, the little man's face grew hard while his syringe became correspondingly slack.

"Alas," he ejaculated, pulling up his trousers; "would that all things Marginal could be made Safe by throwing money at them."

Whereupon he disappeared in a bang and a flash. It was later discovered that he had not bought the political party at all; it had sneaked itself into his pocket while nobody was looking.


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