Distraction Clearance

The political enforcer accused of assaulting a woman during a memorial event for Ian Tomlinson, who died of the Metropolitan Police's peacekeeping efforts last year, has been giving a statesmanlike performance in his defence. His first tactic was the nuclear scare which is meant to make whatever is actually used look reasonable, be it white phosphorous or depleted uranium: the woman was lucky to have been backhanded and then hit with a baton because he could have broken her arm or jaw. His second tactic was, appropriately enough, the good old New Labour pre-emption of nonexistent weapons. His third, which the minions of New Labour and New New Labour are presumably saving for the memoirs, was the admission that he acted from fear; although he does show a pleasing Blarite chutzpah in claiming that the video footage and photographs of his actions are inaccurate because they fail to convey that he was in a blundering Brownite panic at the time. Finally, regarding his suspension from duty, he played the George W Bush card: "It has been explained to me in a number of different ways but I still do not understand". At this rate Sergeant Delroy Smellie is going to find a parliamentary career virtually impossible to avoid.