The Modern Conservative Party Waxes Lyrical

One of Britain's two main parties of right-wing philistinism has suddenly remembered the consolations of art. Daveybloke's Cuddly Cultchah spokesbeing said that George Osborne was "committed to the arts", and that Daveybloke himself has "reiterated his commitment to the arts", and that Daveybloke has reiterated Daveybloke's wife's commitment to the arts. Accordingly, Daveybloke's Cuddly Conservatives plan to "recognise the critical importance of public funding" for the arts, even as they plan to cut the arts budget by the usual substantial if unspecified amounts. Daveybloke's Cuddly Conservatives intend to allow the National Lottery to take up the unspecified and substantial slack, since everybody will have so much more to gamble once the austerity really kicks in. Also, "the scheme under which works of art can be offered in lieu of inheritance tax would be extended to include life-time giving", in order to facilitate the rapid and easy movement of works of art from private collections into other private collections, with the Government acting as middleman. In order that these vast cultural riches may be properly appreciated, Daveybloke's Cuddly Conservatives intend to "promote three aims", rather than being so avant-garde and facile as merely to set out policies. The three aims are "that every child will have the opportunity to learn a musical instrument; that every child has the chance to learn to sing; that every child is able to receive a solid cultural education"; although, given the progressive ideas which Daveybloke's spokesbeing for infant job training has about education, perhaps we should not hope for anything too solid. "Arts make us more civilised, emotionally literate, self-aware," said Daveybloke's Cuddly Cultchah spokesbeing; fortunately, they have a market justification too: "If I was going to wax lyrical - I would talk about how they make people better able to cope with the recession."