Happy? I'll Fix You

The Children's Society alleges, no doubt mistakenly, that living in a home in which those whom God has united and no-one put asunder devote more than the usual amount of time and effort to making one another unhappy tends to cause a certain discontentment in the offspring. The Society's study finds that children who live in families that "get along well together" are significantly happier than those who do not, although the researchers appear to have committed the gaffe of failing to ask the ones whose families got along badly whether tax breaks would help matters. Doubtless this is why Daveybloke's Cuddly Conservatives, whose biggest and greasiest bit of Blu-tak for fixing broken Britain is to pay broken families to paper over the cracks, have not lowered themselves to comment on the report. New New Labour's Minister for Tiny Human Resources agrees with Daveybloke's cant about married couples constituting the optimum upbringing facilitation provider community; but, lacking the moral luxury of being in opposition, he does not believe that anything should be done about it.

As it turns out, the biggest source of unhappiness for children - aside from other children, I presume - is their appearance; but there is as yet no indication as to whether Daveybloke the Plastic Poster-boy intends handing out free airbrushes for the aesthetically under-endowed.