Country Matters

After several years of trying, New New Labour and Daveybloke's Cuddly Conservatives have finally discovered a policy on which they can plausibly be said to differ. "Quite why this is something that would be a priority for a Tory government, instead of the economy or tackling other concerns, is hard to explain to the public," wrote Hilary Benn, the Secretary for Exporting Plastic Bags to China and Putting Bricks in Cisterns, rather than writing about the economy or other concerns. It appears that Daveybloke, the Cuddly Conservative, wishes to repeal the ban on fox-hunting. Daveybloke believes that fox-hunting, like most other forms of sadism as practised by the right sort of people, is not an appropriate area for the law to interfere. Presumably Daveybloke also believes that a cast-iron promise to overturn the ban will re-ingratiate him with some "traditional" Tories who, thanks to the rust on some of his earlier cast-iron promises, are now contemplating defection to UKIP.

Last night, rather than discussing the economy or tackling other concerns, Benn explained to the public why Daveybloke's latest bit of pandering to the inbreeding brigade was a priority for New New Labour. New New Labour believe that the fox-hunting ban is popular with the public and will somehow help to compensate for such minor errors of judgement as Iraq, Afghanistan, titan prisons, faith schools, identity cards, child imprisonment, the expenses scandal and, no doubt, the economy and other concerns. "We are not saying hunting will be the centrepiece of our election campaign," said a senior Labour source, who doubtless approaches reliability as closely as senior Labour sources usually dare to go. "But it is an issue that concerns many people", so drawing a line under it would be an act of criminal irresponsibility. Meanwhile, as the bells and the burps fade from Britain's main religious festival and the shops start gearing up for Easter, New New Labour and Daveybloke's Cuddly Conservatives are today temporarily united in palpable relief at having found a real issue to fight over.