They're Coming to Suck Out Our Britishness

A calamitous new catastrophe of immigrant-related calamity was averted this week as Brazilian police seized a British trafficker who was trying to smuggle a thousand illegal non-Europeans out of the country in his suitcases.

Global warming means that Britain's insect life is undergoing change as the Earth adjusts to new economic realities.

This makes Britain an attractive prospect for foreign wildlife, some of which works hard and plays by the rules.

The voracious, venomous and hairy-legged Brazilian immigrants were bound for London, where they probably expected to blend in with the indigenous population.

It is not clear whether they were intended as decorative domestic slaves or as medical personnel to destabilise the National Health Service.

Much will depend on whether the arrested British man is found to have acted from motives of non-corporate profit or because of the European Declaration of Human Rights.