Norsemen Plunder Almost-British Carbon Sinks

Thanks to the golden thread of imperialism that runs through our history, which has brought good business practice to Nigeria, democracy to Uganda, peace to Palestine and call centres to India, Britain is able to maintain a special relationship with many former colonies around the world, thus pandering to Whitehall's delusions about our still being a global power. Two years ago one of these ex-colonies, Guyana, approached the British government with a proposal to give Britain control of its remaining rainforest - an area larger than England - in return for aid and assistance in building a low carbon economy, which would include limiting the deforestation that accounts for a fifth of the world's emissions. Whether because Lord Mandelbrot the Infinitely Recurring had better things to do than talk to a lot of little chaps with funny names, or because the Lower Miliband was busy building airports and nuclear power stations, or just because the Ministry of Equipment Shortage couldn't spare the troops to teach the uppity natives the true meaning of democracy, the British government did nothing; so the Guyanese did a deal with Norway instead. It is thanks to this level of British leadership at the forefront of the war on climate change that we are now firmly on the road towards catastrophic levels of global warming. That, at least, is one bus even Britain won't be able to miss.