Embarrassment of Riches

There will be no meaningful deal from the Copenhagen climate change chatroom; and even if there were it would be sabotaged by the United States, ignored by China, sneaked around by everyone else and bitched about by the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland for at least as long as our world-saving, paradigm-busting, bank-reforming recovery from recession continued to assist us in meeting our international obligations. Meanwhile, there have been flood warnings in Wales and in three counties of England, and there is a possibility of "extreme danger to life and property" in Dorset. Cross-channel ferries are being cancelled because of violent moisture levels, and there are reports of floods half a metre deep in Cornwall. The hills of Dartmoor, Exmoor and Wales could get three inches of rain, and much of the rest of the country will get one inch. "People should be aware that there will be a lot of water around," said the Environment Agency's director for the southern region. Naturally, our greatest ally has chosen this auspicious moment to discover about eight toilet flushes on the moon.