Don't Worry, It May Never Happen

As the Lower Miliband announces panic-building of nuclear power stations before the sustainable uranium becomes too plentiful to make them a profitable enterprise, the Government has suddenly discovered the merits of renewable energy, and has published plans to allow wind turbines to be installed without planning permission. The proposed changes to the system would also attempt to make it look as if the Government were interested in making it easier for solar panels to be attached to stadiums, schools, railway stations and offices. "The people who want to greenproof their homes should get a helping hand, not a stop sign," said the Minister of Homelessness and Repossession, before announcing the various stop signs which he will personally put in place: "strong safeguards in relation to noise levels, size, location and the potential impact on an area". It is certainly reassuring to see that nasty, noisy things like wind turbines are not being treated as though they were something clean and quiet like a new airport runway. There will also be a "clean energy cashback scheme", which will place the Government in the invidious position of bribing the public to undercut the energy companies. Fortunately, the plans are to be put out for "consultation" for three months, by the end of which time the election campaign which has been going on for the past two years will have reached the pre-orgasmic stage; after that, the Daveybloke administration will bury the whole idea, thus keeping safe his ministers' prospects for corporate directorships once their duty to Murdoch, the Mail and the White House is fulfilled.