The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

A Housing Problem

A Theory was trying to accommodate as large a population of Facts as could be managed without exceeding its budgetary allowance for the present quarter. The Theory laid a foundation of Evidence, fortified itself with Logic, and subjected its strength to experimental testing twice a week in the more rigorous areas of the local gymnasium. Yet still the Facts continued noisily battering at its walls, until the din could be heard even above the screams of the newspaper headlines.

Finally an Official appeared, and informed the Theory that it was hereby expelled, expunged, deported and anathematised beyond all hope of redemption.

"But what of the Facts?" the Theory protested. "I have accommodated so many of them, some so huge and awkward as to have escaped the attention of almost the entire infotainment industry. Are they to be set free once more, to bask idle and disorganised in the incomprehension of the media and the ignorance of the public?"

"I know nothing of that," said the Official; "but you have no planning permission, and space is at a premium in this district. You must leave here forthwith, and nevermore return unless you become smaller and simpler."

"This country is narrow, I know," admitted the Theory; "but I was personally squeezed into it with much effort, along with many of my Facts, by a Scientist of probity and repute. Does that count for nothing?"

"Nothing at all," said the Official; "you stand now on consecrated ground. This country lies within the skull of a Minister, and many of your Facts contradict the party line."

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