The Curmudgeon


Thursday, October 08, 2009

He Too Is Human Bloke

Daveybloke, the Cuddly Conservative, has been waving his dead child around again. "When such a big part of your life suddenly ends nothing else - nothing outside - matters", except perhaps the opportunity to score a few sympathy points at a political rally. "It's like the world has stopped turning and the clocks have stopped ticking. And as they slowly start again, weeks later, you ask yourself all over again: do I really want to do this?" Fortunately for broken Britain, it appears that Daveybloke really does want to do this.

Elsewhere, Daveybloke blamed Labour for letting down poor people by having too much government. Daveybloke plans to remedy this by retaining and extending Labour's interference in the free market. Daveybloke "insisted the economic recovery would be delivered by the people", rather than by anyone with chums in the City or the CBI. "If you put in the effort to bring in a wage, you will be better off" than if you are unemployed; this is certainly radical. "If you save money your whole life, you'll be rewarded"; the Conservatives have always believed in rewarding people for having money. "If you start your own business, we'll be right behind you", particularly when the slash-and-burn approach to the economy causes the business to fail, whereupon you'll feel the Osborne boot up your fiscal arse; and, inevitably, "if you risk your life to fight for your country, we will honour you" because talk is always cheap.

Daveybloke also said that things would be tough and that there would be cuts in public spending; but on the other hand the deserving would be rewarded, the vulnerable cared for and the children thought of. Daveybloke had a child who died, in case you hadn't heard.


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