The Curmudgeon


Friday, October 16, 2009

Daveybloke the Daucological

Daveybloke, the Cuddly Conservative, has been doing his planet-saving thing today. As the leader of a party which has a crudely-painted tree for a logo and which contains many respected members of the vegetable kingdom, Daveybloke preached of carrots and sticks and how, at least in the case of big business and people who buy lots of electrical goods, the carrot is a better approach.

Daveybloke expressed his disapproval of the present Government's obsession with regulating business, which has led the country to the lamentable state it's in today and which until quite recently brought the present Government enthusiastic endorsement from regulatory fanatics like Rupert Murdoch. In typical innovative style, Daveybloke wishes to "build a strong co-operative relationship between business and the next Conservative government", whereby the planet will be saved through the next Conservative government politely asking business to accept a bit of carrot, and business strongly and co-operatively scoffing the carrot before going its own merry way and then squealing for a subsidy when indigestion strikes.

Daveybloke has also discovered that "information can be used as an extraordinary tool for change". Daveybloke, whose historical awareness evidently extends almost as far back as the 1970s, considers this "one of the insights of our times". Daveybloke intends to "force energy companies to tell customers, clearly on their bills, how much they could save by moving to a cheaper tariff". Such information would be an extraordinary tool for change because, thanks to the transparent simplicity and honesty with which energy companies operate, consumers would then move to the cheaper tariff; and if a planet cannot be saved by consumers moving to a cheaper tariff, why, one might as well just write the damn thing off.

All this is called "mindful consumption", as opposed to the mindless variety with which George the Progressively Osborne doubtless reproaches the likes of Oleg Deripaska when he drops by the yacht to be informed just exactly how strongly business and the next Conservative government will be co-operating.


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