Protecting the Vulnerable

Now that the Glorious Successor has signed a letter calling for "binding rules" to limit financial rewards for those who gamble incompetently with other people's money, Gordon's little Darling has clarified the position by refusing to contemplate binding rules to cap bonuses for bankers. The letter, you see, was a merely European initiative, backed by Sweden, Italy, Spain, Luxembourg and the Netherlands and co-signed by the leaders of Germany and France, none of which countries particularly helped us win the war. On the other hand, the idea of a cap on bonuses is firmly opposed by the international community, with which New New Labour and its predecessor, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith of the Vicar of Downing Street, are allied through the most special, indissoluble and blood-sacred ties. In the words of Gordon's little Darling: "We are ready to work with other countries", or one country anyway; "but what are really focused on in this country are practical proposals that actually strike at the behaviour we would like to stop", and which we have so far tried to stop by asking the offenders nicely and striking them in the pocketbook with weighty bags of taxpayers' money. "The United States would take the same view as we do", so it is not just a matter of our taking the same view as the United States does, and shame on our uncharity for ever thinking otherwise. It is purely a matter of common sense: "if you cap a bonus, all the individual needs to do", not being in public health or education or some other unprofitable pursuit, "is either jack up their basic salary or get paid in some other way", like a member of the House of Commons.