Not Quite the Sort of Increase We Had in Mind

Daveybloke's cuddly spokesbeing for health industry privatisation, the fifty-year mistake Andrew Lansley, has clarified Daveybloke's pledge to increase spending on the NHS by pointing out that the commitment is solely to "real-terms increases"; namely, the sort of increases which entail "a significantly reduced rate of expenditure". Lansley noted that "obesity, alcohol abuse, smoking, poor sexual health and long-term conditions are all on the up", all of which will have to stop once the party of Nicholas Soames, Kenneth Clarke, Nadine Dorries, Ann Widdecombe and all those other paragons of healthy living and proper sexual education re-takes its rightful place as a long-term condition of the British government. "A real-terms increase in expenditure", as opposed to a real increase, "has to go hand in hand with real savings", as opposed to savings in real terms, "which can be ploughed back into frontline services to meet the needs of an ageing population" which will have to be kept just about healthy enough to work until it drops in order to minimise the pensions crisis which New Labour policies, viz. Conservative policies, have done so much to engender.