The Curmudgeon


Sunday, August 16, 2009

Healthy Debate

Daveybloke, the Cuddly Conservative, has been forced to undertake the traumatic measure of making a policy statement after one of his more traditionally-minded comrades went on Fox News to educate our oldest and closest ally about the horrors of the National Health Service. Daveybloke has "pledged to preserve the health service, and to increase spending on it, without subjecting it to radical structural reform", presumably because he finds the present state of affairs - PFI, postcode lotteries, staff demoralisation and so forth - eminently satisfactory. Since the upstart was a member of the European parliament rather than the real one, Daveybloke was quick to brand him an "eccentric", by which he presumably meant to imply that such people constitute a rare and exotic aberration in the party of Michael Gove, Boris Johnson, Nadine Dorries, Anthony Steen, Peter Viggers, Iain Duncan Smith, Ann Widdecombe, Michael Howard, William Hague, George Osborne and, after the 2010 election and an almost decent interval, quite possibly Lord Mandelson of Foy and Deripaska. Nevertheless, the renegade apparently has some support among those of Daveybloke's Cuddly Conservatives who believe that New New Labour's policy of using the NHS as a front for profiteering by private corporations does not go quite far enough. Several of Daveybloke's Cuddly Cabinet, and a score of upright members in both the European and the genuine Parliament, are on record as supporting the view that the NHS is "no longer relevant in the twenty-first century" and that it should be replaced by a system of private healthcare for those who can afford it, viz. the sort of system which is in the process of breaking down in our oldest and closest ally. The most prominent among them, such as Greg Clark, Daveybloke's Cuddly Secretary for Energy and Climate Change, and Jeremy Hunt, Daveybloke's Cuddly Secretary for Cultchah, Meedjah and It's Not The Winning It's The Taking Part, were naturally "unavailable for comment last night", since it is a rare and exotic emergency which requires members of Daveybloke's Cuddly Cabinet to know what policy their party intends to pursue once power has been defaulted to it.


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