Where Moth and Rust Doth Corrupt

The moral backbone of our nation, which has done such marvellous work protecting us from gay bishops and Wintervalism, is once again faced with a hard choice between God and Mammon. As one would expect given the Church of England's searingly honest claim that 72% of the population are Christians, the Church of England is so worried about the decline in membership that it is considering a reintroduction of the tithe in order to keep Mammon propitiated. A report by the diocese of Bradford recommends that priests emphasise the value of generosity to the right sort of people, and then ask churchgoers to contribute five per cent of their income directly to the church, and another five per cent to "other charities (sic) and mission organisations", so that the commandment at Matthew 6 xxxi-xxxiv may be obeyed in the customary Christian manner. Doubtless aware of the fall in the value of the Church's investment portfolio, the Bishop of Ripon and Leeds notes in a foreword to the report that "A time of recession is also a time of opportunity. We need to reflect on how we can support those in our own society and throughout the world who have been savagely damaged by the credit crunch" by getting more money out of them.