Labour to Win Historic Fourth Term on Gullible-Wrinkly Vote, Hopes Randy

After a mere twelve years in power, during which it has done everything it can to widen the gap between rich and poor, the Government has an inkling that all may not be well with Britain's senior citizens. The former Minister for Cultchah, Randy Burnham, has decided that a system of social care for the elderly which can be spun as "fair, simple and affordable" might be a good idea, and has been making lots of sympathetic noises about "the stealthiest tax of all", which places "people who have worked all their life and paid taxes all their life" in a "cruel lottery" which it has taken New New Labour only twelve years to notice. Perhaps they were distracted by all the squealing about approaching pensions apocalypse and the need for financial responsibility. Anyway, Randy has placed three options before the public for the purposes of "consultation" while the CBI advises him on which of them can best be utilised as a means of fast-tracking taxpayers' money into corporate pockets, and while the Department of Emissions, Flooding, Radiation and Allergies continues to arrange the heat-waves which will help to counteract the public's inconsiderate longevity.