Gay Abandon

SIR ARTHUR STREEB-GREEBLING: I believe it was shortly after World War Two. Remember that - World War Two?
INTERVIEWER: Yes, indeed.
STREEB-GREEBLING: Absolutely ghastly business.
INTERVIEWER: Yes, indeed.
STREEB-GREEBLING: Absolutely ghastly business.
INTERVIEWER: Oh, yes, indeed.
STREEB-GREEBLING: I was completely against it.
INTERVIEWER: Well, I think we all were.
STREEB-GREEBLING: Yes, but I wrote a letter.
Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, The Frog and Peach

The Foreign Office is to risk the wrath of homophobic regimes with which Britain does not have profitable business relations by writing letters to British diplomats. A newly-appointed underling of the Upper Miliband has been charged with a final desperate attempt to give some impression that New New Labour has some sort of interest in human rights by sending written messages of approbation to diplomats who show public support for gay rights, provided they are not in Saudi Arabia, Uzbekistan, Turkey, the Vatican or three-fifths of the United States. The purpose of the letters, as noted in Chris Bryant's press release and verified by the Guardian's Journalistic Telepathy Unit, is "to spell out that the British Foreign Office policy of support for gay and lesbian rights is not just a formality, but instead a central part of the government's drive for human rights" which has had such brilliant results in Iraq, Afghanistan and Westminster. Bryant has written letters to British diplomats in Poland, Bulgaria and Romania, noting that the home of the elected Member of the European Parliament, Nick Griffin, "is not just a tolerant country. We fully respect the rights of everyone, regardless of their sexuality", if not regardless of their asylumseekerdom. Bryant also plans to write letters to British high commissioners in the Commonwealth, "even though this will run contrary to the teachings of some local churches", such as the Church of Rome and the Church of England. Bryant's "determination" to write letters to British representatives within the Commonwealth, as noted in Bryant's press release and verified by the aforementioned JTU, "will be hugely controversial if he pushes the message and diplomatic pressure hard"; which handily explains why he probably won't.