All At Sea

Given that Great Britain is for the most part a fairly long, narrow island with some small access to such minor spots of dampness as the Irish Sea, the North Sea, the English Channel and the Atlantic Ocean, it should come as no surprise that New New Labour finds it impracticable to spend money on developing tidal and wave power. Before the Vicar of Downing Street's ascension unto Middle East peacekeeping and other ascetic pursuits, his administration set up a fund of fifty million pounds - about one-twentieth of the overspend on the superbly-named Astute-class project to deter underwater terrorists - and in its great wisdom and foresight made the rules so strict that none of the money has been paid out in the five years of the fund's existence. Accordingly, the remnants of the Glorious Successor's administration have promised to transform the situation by setting up another fund, nearly half the size of the first fund, which will fund companies' efforts to make themselves eligible for funding from the first fund. In order to be eligible for funding with which to make themselves thus eligible for funding (you are following this, I hope), companies will have to design, build and implement prototype systems and operate them for three months, with no help from the Government and in the middle of the biggest economic earthquake since the 1970s, the 1930s, the Great War or the Neolithic Revolution, depending on whom you believe. The idea, apparently, is to "establish Britain as a global centre for tidal and wave power" - an ambition to set alongside New New Labour's aspirations for the best health service, the best police force, the best education system and the greatest Parliament in the world.