The Only Thing Worse Than A Long Conversation In Downing Street

Some plucky folk at the Guardian have held an interview with the Glorious Successor, in which he claims to be above the trappings of the power for which he sulked and schemed for ten years. "To be honest, you could walk away from all of this tomorrow," he said. "I'm not interested in what accompanies being in power. I wouldn't worry if I never returned to all those places - Downing Street, Chequers ... And it would probably be good for my children"; though it is not clear whether the greater benefit to his offspring would be that of enjoying his presence for more hours in the day, or simply that of being sent to more expensive schools when the directorships start paying dividends. Apparently the Glorious Successor wants to move into teaching once he is finally ejected from office, but it seems likely that the directorships will be the more prudent option: he summarises his main teaching qualification as follows: "I'm not as great a presenter of information or communicator as I would like to be", and shows his up-to-the-minute grasp of modern technology with the proclamation that because of the internet, "you cannot have Rwanda again". Quite how the internet might prevent a repeat of the British government's interventions in favour of the Rwandan catastrophe is again unclear. Perhaps he has the Downing Street e-petitions in mind.

The Glorious Successor said that he wished he had regulated the banks more closely, but that he did not do so because nobody else was doing so, and he "didn't want Britain to be outside the mainstream". He also noted that, during his ten years of scheming and sulking, he "didn't know a lot about" the impending sub-prime mortgage calamity, and pleaded helplessness in the face of modern banking. The nature of modern banking is also to blame for the Glorious Successor's lack of interest in using the office of prime minister for any nobler purpose than remaining in office as prime minister, since it is difficult to focus on strategic planning "as you have to deal with immediate events, like if a bank's going to go under" owing to Britain being too far inside the mainstream. The Glorious Successor also said that the best way to run the country would be from a train; perhaps because that is where most of the Government's confidential data seems to end up.

According to the Guardian, this latest display of statesmanship is the result of "two long conversations in Downing Street". It is possible, of course, that they only seemed that way.