Lama Sabachthani

The reincarnation of a certain Tibetan lama has not gone according to plan. When Osel Hita Torres was five months old, some lunatic saw his peaceful, meditative countenance and decided that he might be the latest remake of someone who had claimed to be a serially-produced spiritual leader. Nine months later Torres' parents took him to Dharamsala in India and waved him at a deposed feudal leader who makes a similar claim on his own behalf. As the immortal journalese hath it, "the toddler was chosen out of nine other candidates", placed on a throne and given an education suited to a mediaeval monk, with the hilarious exception of an Eddie Murphy film. (Why not Scorsese's hagiopic Kundun? Not enough special effects for a growing deity?) Alas, Torres failed to take the hint and did not identify with the magical Golden Child. He is now twenty-four and has escaped from the monastery in southern India and taken up film studies in Madrid; despite which "he is still known as Lama Tenzin Osel Rinpoche and revered by the Buddhist community". If Torres ever becomes a film-maker in his own right, the results may be interesting.